i can't believe i had my finger in that
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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