Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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