It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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