awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My pussy is not your playground.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Send help, water and tortillas.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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