If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
