Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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