I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
