I hate your face
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
