So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
