No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
