She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So many bounce houses so little time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
