I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
