T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
