You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
