I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
