i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
