the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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