how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
