we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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