Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You took a bar mat shot.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
