i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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