I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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