I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
