i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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