Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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