I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
