I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
