Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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