before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
