life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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