So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
there is puke in my bra ... again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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