Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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