I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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