i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
