i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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