the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i think im in europe. pls send help
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
