I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
