I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
