Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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