Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
