drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
