I just cut my nipple shaving
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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