I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
