remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
tell me about the fingering
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