well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize