You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I touched a dick in church today
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
