I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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