So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
