well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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