you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can you bring me the toilet please
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
