I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
