Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I understand Curling. That high.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
