Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just tell him i said nine months
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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