im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
